Metro speed dating

Oh well, at least he’s not as big as that guy I met on holiday. Er, grabbing the back of my head may seem sexy but I’d rather not choke to death, thanks. I wonder if men secretly find vaginas as gross-looking as women find penises. If I look in his eyes while I’m doing this that will speed things up, won’t it? I really want to stop now but it seems like I might actually be getting somewhere. Dilemma: if I switch to hand I’ll be way more comfortable. If I don’t, his mother will get more of these monstrosities. Is he delaying on purpose or am I really bad at this? If I pretend to be enjoying this that might speed things up. I had no desire to impress or pretend to be interested in anything that wasn't sleep -- or pizza, or a burrito, or both at the same time -- which is a shame, because this gentleman was like a surprisingly nice dessert section in a really bad buffet.I could still tell he had a great personality to match his Prince Eric looks."I mean, I don't blame them, but it's not like I had a choice," I continued thinking to myself while mindlessly nodding along to what my fifth date was saying. Once everyone had registered, our organizer separated us into our respective groups. Whereas I tried to look as though I had just gotten off my fancy job as a writer, a majority of the men looked as though they had just left their shift at Aeropostale. Why were they dressed like that dude from high school who always tries to sell you knives when you run into him every trip back home?"The online 'bottoms' sign-up sheet was all filled up! If I wanted to sail with the boys on this gay Noah's ark, I had to maybe fib to myself a little." And look where that got me. If you learn anything from me at all, it's that you should always dress how you want to feel, not how you actually feel.

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Although I have no plans to meet with any of the men from my speed-dating event, I'm glad I went.

By the time I got to the handsomest man in the room, I could tell we were both exhausted.

I was tired from putting on the performance of my life, and he was tired from all the normals he'd had to speak to.

By the end of the night, I had met about 16 different men, and I can tell you that the look of disappointment that flashed on their faces upon seeing me never got old.

I tried my best to be my most "top" self (like trying to polish a turd, as they say).

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